How I Die and How God Brings Me Back

How I Die and How God Brings Me Back

Original Publication Date
November 26, 2016
Jan 14, 2023 9:10 PM

I know, this is a taboo subject to talk about, but if you know me, you know I don't really care. So I'm going to talk about it anyway. Today, we're going to talk about the blessing and the curse that is menstruation. I am convinced when God "punished" Eve with pain in bearing children it was actually His way of giving womankind infallible proof that He is the Creator of all things.

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Genesis 3:16 KJV

I have what the medical community calls Dysmenorrhea, and what normal people would call cramps so severe they impact my ability to function. This started when I was a month away from my eleventh birthday and has continued since, giving me 17 years of awful experience. In those 17 years I've been to more doctors that I can count trying to get a "cure" and scared probably more than half of my friends and teachers.

Cramping comes from the muscle spasms of the body pushing the shed lining out; it's the same spasm that creates contractions in pregnant women. The pain itself, while acute, isn't really the worst part; it's the side effects. The spasms cause shortness of breath, nausea, and hot flashes, all of which in turn causes dizziness. On my worst days, I've lost peripheral vision, thrown up, and passed out. I've passed out in class, in band practice, at a band performance, at work, in a university computer lab, in a university amphitheater, and in a university library. Every time, I'm pretty sure I'm dying and no one can save me.

Science has sent people to the moon and enabled open heart surgery, organ transplants, found cures for cancer, and ways to suppress incurable diseases, but nothing soothes these cramps. I've tried Midol, Pamprin, Tylenol Extra Strength, Aleeve, Excedrin Extra Strength, Ibuprofen, and everything else you can buy over the counter. I had a doctor prescribe me heavy duty pain meds; they worked twice, and never again. I've tried different types of birth control; they didn't help. My doctor finally said I should just skip my cycle all together, so I tried that. Instead of causing me to skip cycles, it made my cycle last all month. -_-

In the 17 years I've lived with this, I've learned that the only thing that gets me through those days (which thankfully are much fewer than when I was younger) is prayer. I admit, it usually starts with my desire to do physical harm to Eve, but somewhere in the middle I realize the miracle of it all. All of the pills I mentioned before work just fine for headaches, muscle aches, and the like. The only time they are ineffective is for menstrual cramps.

I cannot deny God.

Every time I have this experience, I have to ask Him to stop the pain and the side effects. Every time, my thoughts go to Him, to trusting Him, to Eve, and to childbirth. I mean as woman, I have the ability to bring forth life—something amazing that I don't think about on the regular. And after the pain subsides, the most peaceful calm rushes over me.

I have no doubt that Jesus rose from the dead because during these episodes, I feel like I'm on the brink of death but I always come back stronger than ever.

PSALMS to God is a blog, podcast, and YouTube channel that discusses many topics and issues, always keeping YHWH as the anchor. Hosea 4:6 says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge”—here, the aim is to always ask questions and study to find the answers. You can keep up with new content by signing up for the weekly newsletter.