Burnout Confessions

I have half finished blog posts, partially created notebooks for a give away, video content that needs editing, and a whole list of ideas for more content. So why don't you see it? Burnout. In a previous YouTube video, I shared a little bit about how crazy the past few years have been, but it isn't just the past few years, it's all of life!

I got my first summer job at 14 years old and have been either working or in school (or both) ever since. In 2014, while I was in grad school, my doctor said I had low iron. This is normal for women and seemed logical to me. Since 2014, most doctor visits have the statement "you have really low iron levels" or "we really need to work on your iron." My ferratin levels have not risen past 4 since doctors first started telling me this in 2014. (Ferratin deals with iron stores within your body, and to my knowledge the lower-bound for "normal" is 11.) Eventually, doctors started telling me I had "weird" shaped blood cells. A few months ago I had a doctor decide to figure out why my blood cells "look weird" and he confirmed that I have Hemoglobin C trait. Turns out 33% of my red blood cells are duds...

Nonetheless, I managed to work 20 hours for my advisor, a few hours a week as a tutor, and crank out a PhD while I was "severely iron deficient." I went straight to work after defending my dissertaion (didn't even wait for graduation), was cranking out a podcast episode a week, became a leader in a young adult ministry, and ended up involved in trying to better the community. I got laid off my job, interviewed every day until I had a new job, got sick from the stress of it, had 2 family members die from COVID within a month of each other, sold my house, moved 2000 miles away from my family to a place I'd never even visited, and am still going... All while being "severely iron deficient."

The number one symptom of iron deficiency is fatigue. If this is how I opperate at a deficit, I feel like I could solve world hunger if I were firing on all cylinders.

But I'm not, and I realized that I need a vacation. Not a trip to some exotic place or a fancy hotel. Just a responsibility free, break from pushing through life like super woman. So, I'm taking the summer off. Well, I'll still be going to work cause I don't have a rich uncle who died and left me enough money to pay for gas, but I'm not going to worry about the blog. I'm not going to worry about keeping my house spotless. I'm going to play video games. Journal for fun. Play laser tag with the cats. Sit outside and watch the birds—if the temperature drops below 100, that is.

See you in August.

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